Fateful Farewells
by defyngravity
Summary: Deakins' last day. A horrible case. Chasing after a victim who may not be so innocent. What could make Logan's day worse? Maybe losing another partner...and why does Barek seem so distraced?
1. Chapter 1

_**disclaimer: I don't own them, Dick Wolf does..I am jealous...**_

_**AN: This is a short story...just a small idea I had that needed to be written through. I apoligize for it not being longer!**_

* * *

Mike Logan walked up to his desk and fell into his chair. He couldn't believe it was already morning and time to be at work.

"Coffee?" A voice asked behind him. He swiveled around in his chair to face Alex Eames, whose desk was behind his.

"Give me a whole pot," he grumbled.

"Late night?" She asked. He nodded and she rolled her eyes.

Bobby Goren walked in the door and set a stack of files on his desk, across from Eames', and looked at his coworkers. "Good-morning."

"It's too early to be a good morning," Logan replied. He got up and followed Eames to the coffee pot. "Seen Barek yet this morning?"

"Nope."

"Wow, I'm here before her? That's a first."

"Tell me about it," Eames smiled and went to her desk with her coffee. Mike started back to his desk with his cup, but then went back and poured a second cup. He brought both to his desk and placed one on the desk across from his. As he sat down, Carolyn Barek walked in.

When she got to her desk she looked down at the cup of coffee waiting, then looked at her partner. "Where'd that come from?" Mike shrugged and looked away. "Watch it Logan, someone may think you're becoming considerate." He gave her a 'who me?' look, then grinned. Barek sat down in her chair and took a sip of her coffee. "Thank you."

"You're never late," he informed her.

"Sorry, I had things to do."

"Like what?" He leaned forward, ready for gossip.

"None of your business."

"You're no fun, Barek."

Her eyes sparkled as she gave him a small smile. "You don't know me very well." Then she got up and walked to one of the filing cabinets. Logan watched after her briefly, then leaned back in his chair. "Logan, Barek," a voice called. Logan looked up and saw Deakins standing in the doorway of his office. He got up and walked over to the Captain. Barek was close behind them. They were ushered into Deakins' office and the door was shut. Deakins leaned against his desk. "We've got a call. I want you two on it."

"What is it?" Carolyn asked.

"A couple was killed. Slain in their bed. Two of their children were also killed, the other two kids are MIA," Deakins said.

Mike sighed and shook his head. "Alright, we're on it."

* * *

Barek and Logan carefully stepped through the master bedroom, which was a mess. Clothes and belongings were strewn everywhere. A female body was laying on the floor in front of the bed, and the male body was on the bed. Both were covered in blood. The man had been stabbed, the woman had been shot.

"Dad's the only one that got stabbed," Mike said. "Mom and the two kids were both shot. What's that about?" He glanced over at Barek, who was bent to the mother's body examining it.

She stopped talking to herself long enough to look up at her partner. "Did we find either murder weapon?" Logan turned to one of the officers first on the scene and raised his eyebrows.

"None that we saw," the officer said.

Logan nodded then looked back at Barek. He was ready to say what no one else had in the thirty minutes they'd been there. "There was no sign of a break in, the front door was shut and locked. I say this was all in the family."

Barek bit her bottom lip as she thought. "Yea but who did it?"

"Let's find the missing kids and ask them."

"The neighbor says the missing kids are five year old Kelsey and sixteen year old Ryan," the same officer said.

"We need to get on that Amber Alert," Carolyn stated, standing up. She moved over the the father and looked down at him. With a gloved hand she poked at his fingers and lifted his hand just enough to see the bottom. "Should test his hand for gun-shot residue," she murmured.

"You think Daddy killed them?" Logan asked.

"If he did, someone stopped him."

"Then maybe grabbed the baby and ran?"

* * *

Logan and Barek were back in Deakins' office. "Anything from the Amber Alert?" Logan asked.

"Not yet," Deakins answered. "Did you talk to some of Ryan's friends? Other family?"

"His best friend says Ryan hated his home life, but he didn't know why. He said Ryan was very protective of his younger siblings and would often leave in the middle of a game to go check on the other kids," Barek said. "The only other family we could find in the city was the maternal grandmother. She had nothing nice to say about her son-in-law and she hasn't spoken to the family in over eighteen years."

"She said her son-in-law, this Ronnie Ericson, had been in jail before he met her daughter Alice," Logan jumped in. "We pulled his sheet. He was in for armed robbery and attempted murder. Before that he had a few minor charges of assault and such. Plus he's got a locked juvie record."

"Anything after he got married?"

"Nope."

"We're off to talk to his boss and co-workers, see what they say," Barek said.

"Good, good," Deakins nodded. "We've got everyone on the look out for Ryan and Kelsey, I'll let you know as soon as we hear something."

Logan and Barek stopped at their desks, then left th precinct again. As they walked to the car Logan said, "Those kids were just nine and eleven. It's not right."

"It never is."

* * *

Logan drove himself and his partner back to the 1PP a short time later. He looked over at her. "So you think anyone's gonna acknowledge Deakins' last day?"

"You want to stop and get him a cake and flowers?" She asked with a raised eyebrow.

"No. But everyone is acting like he's going to leave tonight and come back in tomorrow, and he's not."

"We're the new kids, Mike. It's easier for us to say he needs a send off. The others, like Goren and Eames, have been there with him for more than six years. Committing a Capitan to Major Case is like asking someone to be the only teacher to a class of forty five year olds. It's a hated job, and we all know it. It's gonna suck losing someone who's on our side."

"Exactly my point. Deakins gave me a chance of redemption when no one else did. He shouldn't just walk out the door tonight."

"Then how about before he leaves you say to him, 'Thank you for trusting in me and giving me another chance'."

"Because I'm a man." He pulled into a parking spot and got out of the car, leaving Barek to stare at him in disbelief. She got out and walked beside him as they went in the building.

"Why do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Act like a human for five minutes and then kill it with some typical Logan remark."

"It's who I am," he shrugged and walked out of the elevator into the squad room. "Any word on the Amber Alert?" He asked no on in particular.

"A lot of nothing," Eames said from her desk. "Cap's had Bradley and Peterson running after all the calls and none of them seemed to clear."

"I think Bradley's got something," someone said from across the room.

Mike went over and took the phone. "What's up?" He said.

"Got a man here, says the two kids came into his market two hours ago for food," Detective Henry Bradley said over the phone. "We got the video going, it's definitely them."

"Any clue which way they went?"

"Looks like they went out and took a left. That's all we can tell. Peterson is outside talking to people, see what they saw."

"Call my cell when you hear something."

"Will do."

Mike ended the call and went to his desk to fill his partner in. "We need to talk to this kid," he said.

Carolyn nodded. "From what Dad's coworkers had to say, I'm thinking he finally snapped. Something set him off. They all say he had an anger problem."

"Think a pregnancy would set him off?" Deakins asked, handing them a folder. "M.E. says Mom was four months along."

"Why would that upset him?" Mike asked. "As many people said this guy was no good, they also said he loved his kids and would do anything for them."

"Maybe he was trying to protect his family from something," Barek mused. "Wouldn't be the first time."

"His secretary, Melanie, she said he left early today," Mike said. "He left after a call came in."

"Okay," Deakins nodded. "We'll get the LUDs, see who it was."

"Are we taking the right angle here?" Barek asked.

"Like I said, no sign of a break in and the door was locked from the inside. Someone in the house had to have done it," Logan argued.

"And what if there was someone in that house that we aren't accounting for?" She retorted.

"You heard the neighbors! The family rarely had visitors, and no one was seen going in or out of their apartment. The doorman said there was no one but the family."

"Fine, fine. Let's keep checking into the Dad. Hopefully Ryan will come fill us in."


	2. Chapter 2

Carolyn was at her desk on her phone. She had a brief couple of minutes for personal time, and she needed it. She spoke quietly with her head down. "...I understand that, but you aren't listening to me. I can't just come out there in the middle of a case...you're being reckless, just like always..."

Mike walked over to his desk and watched his partner, who was obviously getting very annoyed with whomever she was on the phone with. If anyone knew Barek's annoyed tone, Mike sure did. She glanced up at him and quickly ended her phone call.

"Anything?" She asked.

He shook his head. "Everything okay?"

"Fine."

"You sure? You've been acting a little off the past few days."

"Logan, what does the LUDs report say?"

"Ericson got a call from a Guy Torres right before he jumped up and left the office." Mike sat down in his chair.

"And who's Torres?" She leaned over her desk and looked at the paper he handed her.

"Guy Torres, 34, works for Ericson's wife. She's the head manager of a beauty salon. Torres has no record."

"Let's go see why he called his boss' wife, then," she said. He nodded and stood up, pulling on his jacket. Her phone rang. "Go on, I'll meet you at the car in a minute." He stared at her for a beat, then shrugged and walked away. She picked up her phone. "Barek."

"We weren't done talking."

"No, I think we were. And I think if you don't stop calling me while I'm at work-"

"Car, don't do this to me. This is me. You don't have to be all tough-girl cop like that."

"I'm not 'being' anything. I'm telling you that I am at work and I don't have time for this. I am not coming to D.C. today. I am not coming to D.C. tomorrow. Leave me alone." She slammed down the phone as Eames walked by.

"You okay?" Eames asked her.

"Uhh, yea." Carolyn stood up and shrugged into her jacket. She seemed lost in thought and distracted. "Yea, fine. I gotta catch up to Logan." She headed out the building to the car and found here partner leaning against the hood with his sunglasses on and arms crossed.

"Are we ready?" He asked with a hint of a smile. She didn't reply, she went to the passenger door. "Right, no nothing is wrong with you today." He got in the drivers seat and she sat beside him.

"Mike, please, just let it go," she said softly and turned to look out the window as he pulled into the street.

He glanced at her, actually concerned now. "Yea. Okay."

* * *

"So, Guy, how well did you know your boss?" Carolyn asked the man sitting before her. The three had gathered in the back office of the salon. Guy Torres was short, Hispanic, and looked like an underwear model.

"I've worked here for two years, and she's been in charge the whole time."

"Did you have any relations with her outside of the salon?"

"We were friends, yes. Sometimes we would go out for drinks or dinner. We're a tight knit group here, sometimes we all go out together," Torres said.

"Did Mrs. Ericson seem to have any problems at home that you knew of?" Mike asked.

"Aside from a crazy husband?"

"Tell us about that," Mike nodded.

"Not much to tell. Anytime he came up here or called, he was all angry and fussing at her. He always accused her of cheating and trying to take his kids away."

"Was she cheating?" Carolyn asked.

Torres smiled at her. "You mean was I sleeping with her? No, I wasn't." His eyes flickered to Logan. "If it means anything to you, your partner here is more my type."

Carolyn hid a smile as Mike shifted uncomfortably in his seat and cleared his throat several times. "Okay, I get your point," she said. "Then what reason did you have for called Mr. Ericson yesterday?"

Guy raised his eyes and sighed. "Of course you would know that. Like I said, Ronnie was a jerk and Alice was my friend. Ally was pregnant and apparently Ronnie's been calling her a whore and slut, saying that it wasn't his kid and who was she screwing around with. He wouldn't believe her that it was his kid."

"And it was his? As far as you know?" Mike asked.

"Yes. Ally would never cheat on him. She was completely in love with him. She was real happy about the new kid, too. Thought maybe it would bring her family back together."

"So you called her husband?"

"I was setting him straight. I told him that she wasn't cheating on him and to cut her some slack. Then he started yelling at me asking me if it was my kid. I told him I didn't sleep with women and he didn't listen. He just kept screaming at me. So I hung up on him. It wasn't worth getting him more angry with Ally."

"How was Alice's mood yesterday?" Carolyn asked.

"She didn't come in. She called and said that the youngest was sick and she had to stay home."

"And have you seen the two missing kids at all?"

"No. I keep expecting Ryan to show up though. He hangs out here a lot after school so he doesn't have to go home before him mom does."

"If they show, call us." Barek handed him her card.

"It's horrible what happened," Guy said softly. "Ally and the kids..." he shook his head.

"Do you have any thoughts on where else Ryan may go?"

"No."

"Okay, thank you Guy." Carolyn stood and shook the man's hand. Mike followed. Carolyn's cell rang and she glanced at the caller ID and ignored it.

The two stood outside the salon. "Now what?" Mike asked.

"I say we-," her cell rang again. She looked down at it and Mike saw her grimace. "Hold on." She walked down the street a bit and answered her phone. "You need to stop calling me." Mike, out of concern, was eavesdropping. He watched her pace in circles. "No! I don't care." She stopped and her head dropped, she stared at the ground still trying to keep her voice down. "That's a laugh...yea you know what? If you care so much then leave me alone...don't start. I mean what I said...you don't quit this shit and I will call them." She hung up and walked back over. She looked up at him. "What?"

"Someone harassing you?"

"I got it." She headed for the car and he grabbed her arm.

"Barek. What's going on?"

"Nothing I can't handle. Let's go to Ryan's school again."

Mike rolled his eyes, but dropped it and followed her. He let her drive this time.

* * *

When they got to the school they were directed to the counselor's office. They sat in the small waiting room and watched all the kids passing them by.

"I can't even remember High School," he muttered.

"Yea that was what, forty years ago?" She teased.

"Not quite," he smirked. He let the silence resume for a moment but then spoke up. "Barek, if you need help with anything...let me know."

"I appreciate it, but like I said I've got it under control."

"No offense, but your cell has been ringing all day. I wouldn't say that's control."

"And no offense, but it's none of your business," she retorted.

"Detectives?" A voice said. They looked up and saw a woman, maybe in her early 30s, standing before them. They both stood. "I'm Rena Oriya," she said as she shook their hands. "I'm Ryan's counselor. Come in my office, please."

The three sat in the cramped office. "Is there anything you can share with us about Ryan's home life?" Barek asked.

"I don't know for sure."

"What do you think?" Logan asked.

"I think Ryan is a very troubled young man. He's smart and kind, and he has a heavy weight that he seems to carry. Some days he would come here just to talk about his classes or to tell me stories of his younger siblings. I think most times he just needed a friend, a bit of good attention."

"Was his father violent towards him or his sisters and his brother? His mother?" Barek led.

"I never noticed any marks on Ryan and he never said anything, but I think there was something going on. I couldn't do anything, not without him telling me something concrete. I wish I had though, then maybe-,"

"You couldn't have known," Carolyn assured. "Did you ever meet with his parents?"

"Yes. I asked them both in two weeks ago. One of Ryan's teachers found him crying behind the dumpsters after school. He said he was just tired and stressed. He mentioned something about his sisters, but nothing to go on. His mother didn't say much, but she seemed concerned. Mr. Ericson acted like it was nothing. He said he couldn't help that his son was a wimp."

"Do you have any idea where Ryan might be hiding?" Logan asked.

"There's a playground. He takes the kids there to play some days. They really like it."


	3. Chapter 3

Mike balled up his sandwich wrapper and tossed it into a nearby trash can. He leaned against the fence and scanned the playground again. "What time is it?"

"Just past one," Carolyn replied.

"They're not here," he sighed. He pulled out his cell and called Deakins. "Anything?" He asked the Captain.

"Nothing real. Bradley and Peterson lost the trail after the convenience store they were spotted in and none of the other Amber Alert calls have been concrete," Deakins said.

"We've been watching this park for awhile, asked around. No one's seen him."

"We're working on getting the LUDs on his cell phone, but I don't know what we'll get from it. Depends who he's called."

"So what do you want us to do?" Mike turned as Carolyn's cell rang. He watched her contemplate answering it, then doing so and walking off.

"Come on back. I'll call in the other boys and we can all see what we've got."

"Okay. Hey Capitan...do you know what's going on with Barek?"

"Should I?"

"She's been getting these weird calls all day and she's been really edgy. I just think something's up."

"Weird calls?"

"Yea, like constant calls from someone she doesn't want to talk to," Mike said.

"I'll talk to her. Just get on back here."

Mike hung up and glanced over at his partner. She was standing under a tree, talking calmly on her phone. He kept his eyes on her until she looked up and met his gaze. She nodded and after a moment ended her call and walked over. She gave him a look and he nodded in acknowledgment that he wasn't going to question it.

The ride back to the station was silent. Mike drove. Carolyn sat in deep thought, looking out the window.

* * *

When they got back to their desks, Carolyn made a quick call and Mike went over the notes that Bradley had taken from their search. When Carolyn joined them, they all went to Deakins office. They went over the information, trying to find a detail they'd over looked.

"I say we go back to the best friend," Mike said. "What's his name? Vincent? If Ryan does go see his friend, I doubt Vincent will tell us."

"Okay...okay. Logan and Barek go back there. Stress to this kid how important it is we talk to Ryan. Plus we don't have any idea if Ryan or Kelsey is hurt," Deakins said. "Bradley and Peterson, why don't you two go sit at the park some more. Ryan sees that as a safe haven, a place his sister likes to be at." Everyone started to leave Deakins' office, but he called out, "Barek, a moment?" She stopped at the door and glanced at Mike, who wouldn't meet her eyes. She watched him rush out of the office.

Carolyn sat down and looked at Deakins. "Logan talked to you."

"What's going on Carolyn?" Deakins asked gently.

"I can't talk about it," she replied.

"Should we be worried?"

"No. Really. I'm taking care of it."

"Does this have anything to do with what happened before you joined us?" Deakins asked.

"Maybe," she replied.

"Care to fill me in more on that?"

"You know enough."

Deakins nodded. "Okay. I trust you. If you need my help, tell me. Like I promised, I haven't said a word to anyone."

"Thank you," she said.

"Go on, get back to the case," Deakins dismissed her.

Mike had hurried out the door and gone to sit at his desk.

"How's the case?" Eames asked, leaning back in her chair.

"A disaster. We pretty much know what went down, but we can't do anything til we find these kids."

"It hasn't been 24 hours yet, it'll pan out."

"I hope so. I realize this boy is messed up, but he's got his kid sister with him. He killed his dad, he doesn't need to be around the little girl." The conversation was interrupted when Mike got smacked on the shoulder. He looked up and Carolyn was standing over him with her arms crossed and eyes narrowed. "Can I help you?" He asked.

"A word?" She walked off to one of the interview rooms, he reluctantly followed and she shut the door behind them.

"I was worried," he launched into defending himself.

"And I told you there was nothing to worry about. I don't need you running off to the Captain like that."

"Well I don't think you're too clear-headed right now, and your distraction from this case-," his voice was getting louder.

"No," she stopped him. "This has nothing to do with the case. You feel left out and you want to pry into my personal life."

"You know Barek, beyond what you may think, I'm not some jerk who likes to know everyone's business for entertainment! When my partner is getting creepy phone calls, I want to know what's going on. If I need to be worried, I want to know."

"When it comes to the point of you needing to know, I will tell you. Just trust me when I say it's nothing. Okay?" She asked calmly.

He nodded. "Yea, fine. But when this starts to get in the way of us finishing this case, I'm going to butt in." He stalked out of the room. He needed some coffee before they got back on the road.

He stood at the coffee pot, sipping at his cup when a man in an expensive suit walked through the squad room. The man looked around and Mike saw Goren pass the guy and stop. "Can I help you?" Goren asked.

The man nodded. "I'm looking for-," his eyes fell on Barek. "Never mind." He started to walk to the room where Carolyn still stood and Mike stepped in front of him. "Excuse me," the man said.

"Who-" Mike started, but Carolyn popped her head out the door.

"Logan, let him by," she said. Mike stepped aside and let the man pass, but stood guard not far from the door. He watched through the glass windows as the man and Carolyn talked. The conversation got more animated as the two began to argue. The man then stepped closer to Carolyn and started laying into her about something. Mike wanted to butt in, but knew better. Carolyn shook her head and put her hand up to the man's chest and pushed him back a bit. Then she raised her finger and started jabbing it in the air and yelling at the guy. Mike couldn't help but smile, and he wished he could hear what was being said. He also tried to figure out who the guy was. He assumed it was the person who'd been calling all day, but aside from that he had no idea. He watched on as the guy nodded and stepped away from Carolyn. The two then spoke civilized to each other, then shook hands. The man walked out of the room and looked Logan over.

"You the partner?" The guy asked. Mike nodded and the guy walked off. Carolyn walked out of the room.

"Was that the person that's been calling?"

"No. It's someone else." She replied. "Relax. He's on my side...more or less. You ready?"

"Yea...yea I'm ready." He went to get his jacket on.

Carolyn poured herself some coffee to take with her. She closed her eyes briefly and exhaled. She was tired. She'd barely slept the night before and she had a headache behind her eyes that had started the previous morning when this had all started. All the memories were coming back on her, and she didn't want them to. Since starting at Major Case she felt so much better. It was so nice to have no one know, and no one look at her as everyone once had. The only person that knew anything was her Captain and he didn't know much. She squeezed the bridge of her nose. That voice over the phone wasn't anything she thought she'd have to hear again. She thought she was finally away from all of it. But she should have known better. She felt a hand on her arm and she raised her head and opened her eyes. Goren stood beside her and looked down at her. Then he placed a small package of bite-size Oreo's before her and walked away. She smiled. Yea, she liked being at Major Case. She was feeling the comradeship, again, that one is supposed to feel on the job. She picked up the cookies and went to Mike. As they drove to the best friend's house, she opened the cookies and shared them with her partner in hopes of easing the tenseness of the air between them. He smiled and popped one into his mouth.

"Thanks."

"Welcome."


	4. Chapter 4

"Vincent, I understand you are worried for Ryan. I understand that you want to protect him," Logan was sitting across from the boy and leaning close with a gentle voice. "Friends have to do what's best for each other to keep the person out of danger. I understand that." He put his hand on Vincent's shoulder. "But I'm telling you, we need to talk to him."

"I haven't-"

"Okay, you say he hasn't contacted you and I believe you. If by chance he does contact you, or if you can reach him on his cell phone, tell him to turn himself in. We've been calling him and he's turned his phone off. Maybe he doesn't have it on him, I don't know."

"If he calls me I'm not going to tell him anything. You don't know what his dad..."

"Tell us, then," Carolyn said. The boy looked at her, then back at Mike.

"Like I said, Ryan didn't tell me much. But I know his dad got angry a lot, and I know..." Vincent got up and walked around his room a bit. He stood by the window and turned to them. "Bridgette, his 11 year old sister...she asked Ryan why her dad was mean. Ryan asked her what she meant, asked her if it was because their dad would hit their mom, and Bridge said 'no, why does..." Vincent's voice started shaking. "She asked Ryan why her dad comes in her room at night. And Ryan flipped. He never stayed the night here anymore and he tried talking to both his sisters but they wouldn't tell him anything, and Bridge said she was kidding. I told him. I told Ryan he had to tell someone, but he said he couldn't. He couldn't let his mom know about it," he wiped his eyes. "Whatever Ryan did, he had to do it. He had to."

"Which is why we want to talk to him," Mike said. "We understand that Ryan probably didn't want to hurt anyone. We think he did it out of self-defense...and if he did, then we can work things out for him." Mike stood. "You have my card, Vincent. If you hear from him, give him my message okay? Kelsey is probably very scared right now. We want to help both of them."

Vincent nodded and turned to the wall. Mike and Carolyn let themselves out and sat in the car for awhile.

"So dad was abusing the girls," Carolyn said.

"Looks that way. But I think even Ryan's counselor suspected that." He turned the car on to drive away, but there was a knock on his window. They looked out and saw Vincent. Mike rolled his window down.

"I know where he is," Vincent said, looking torn up inside.

"Where?" The boy said nothing. "Just tell us where."

"There's an empty apartment at the building down the street. We broke in last month and sometimes hang there."

"Thank you, Vincent. You're doing the right thing," Mike responded.

"He's never going to talk to me again."

"He will...he'll see that you were only helping him." Vincent shook his head and walked away. Mike rolled up his window. "Okay...I say we leave the car here. Ryan probably knows we'd be here talking to Vincent."

"Right. I'll call back up, he's probably armed."

"Tell them to stand by, I don't want too many people jumping in on him or someone could get hurt. We don't need to scare him more than he is."

* * *

Mike and Carolyn stood outside the door to the apartment and stood out of view. Mike knocked but didn't say anything. He heard movement inside, but no one came to the door. He knocked again, but nothing. "Power company," he called.

"Bullshit!" A voice yelled back from inside. "Don't come in!"

"Ryan, we just want to talk," Carolyn said.

"I won't let you take her!"

"We won't take her."

"You will!" They heard more shuffling and Carolyn nodded to Mike. He broke the door in and they slid inside with their guns drawn.

"We're not here to hurt you, Ryan," Mike said. They looked around, then saw a window wide open. "Ahhh, not this!" He jumped out the window onto the fire escape and saw the boy jumping down the rungs with his little sister in his arms. "Ryan! Wait!" He climbed down with Carolyn behind him. They hit the ground and ran off down the alley after the kids. Ryan was fast and already around the corner. Mike and Carolyn split up and went after him from different sides. Before long they rounded a corner and ran into each other. "Shit! You okay?" He asked her.

She nodded. "Where'd they go?"

He bent over and leaned on his knees to catch his breath. He shook his head. "He couldn't have lost us that easy. What is he a track runner?"

Carolyn looked around them, trying to figure out where they went. She pointed to a fence leading out of the alley, the fence door was wide open and swinging. They ran off through the gate and down another alley. It emptied into a dirt lot that was all flat and taped off. A construction site. And there was Ryan standing in the middle of the empty lot. Kelsey was on the ground in front of him and he was on his knees talking to her. Mike and Carolyn started for him, but he saw them. He snatched his sister up and kept running.

"Stop! Ryan!" Mike yelled. "We just want to talk!" He and Carolyn had both put their guns away so they could run better and hopefully scare the kids less. Several feet up was a tall metal structure, the beginnings of a building. It was at least 20 stories tall. Ryan was heading right for it. He found the ladder that went up the middle and shot up it, his sister gripped tight in his arms. Mike and Carolyn went after him without a moments pause. He jumped off the ladder and walked down one of the narrow beams. All there was to it was beams. Ryan crept across it carefully. Mike stopped on the ladder at the beam. "Don't do this, Ryan. Come back down before you get hurt."

"Leave us alone. Just leave us alone," the boy said.

"Let me up," Carolyn said to Mike. Mike moved over as much he could on the ladder and let her brush past him. He held her side as she climbed up onto the beam. She eased towards Ryan, and stopped when the kid stepped back further away from them. "Ryan. Look at what you're doing. Please. Come down with us." She stepped forward again, and held out her hand to gain stability. Mike wished they'd had backup with them after all, and quickly called for it. Then he climbed onto the beam behind Carolyn and held her shoulder with one hand and had the other up in the air to show Ryan it was empty.

"You can't take her!" Ryan screamed. "I won't let you!" Kelsey was crying. "I have to protect her!" Ryan went on. "I promised."

"We get that. We aren't going to-," Carolyn said, inching forward. "Don't do this Ryan. Give me your sister and we'll all get down and talk."

"Talk! We'll talk!" He shrieked. "I killed my father! What is there to talk about!"

"You were defending yourself and your family. We-,"

He cut her off again, this time pulling a gun out and aiming it at them. "No! Shut up!"

Carolyn pulled her own gun out. "Drop the gun!" She shouted.

"Shoot two cops and you will never get your sister back," Mike warned. He wasn't about to reach for his gun and have Ryan shoot him. "Right now, you have a chance."

Ryan shook his head. "Do you know what he did to them! He...he broke them...and it'll happen again!" His face was red and tear-drenched and his hand was shaking. "I've seen the news! I know what those foster dads do! She's better off with me." He stepped backwards again.

"Ryan, please don't do this. Look at her. Look at your sister," Carolyn said. "Look how young she is. She can grow to forget this. Do you want to rob her of her life? Like your father almost did?"

Ryan looked down at Kelsey, who looked back up at him. "I wanna go with them," she whined. He looked at Carolyn and Mike, then back at his sister. He kissed her face and slowly set her down on the beam. Carolyn took a step forward and reached out, still holding her gun up. Mike held the scruff of her jacket. When her fingers met the child's, she pulled her forward.

"I got you," she comforted, holding the girl to her chest. "Okay Ryan, you too. Come on." She was ready to hand the girl off to Mike and help Ryan across.

"I can't," he said quietly. He set the gun to his temple and before anyone could do anything, he pulled the trigger.

"No!" Carolyn shouted, as Ryan fell over the edge. Mike held Kelsey's cheek and held her still so that she wouldn't turn around and look after her brother. "Down, go down," Carolyn told Mike. "Where's the back up!" Mike slowly turned for the ladder, planning on getting onto it safely and taking Kelsey from his partner. As he started to step onto it, Carolyn slowly turned to the ladder as well.

Mike didn't see it. But he heard. Carolyn's foot slipped. The beam shook. Kelsey screamed. Mike whipped around just in time to see them fall.


	5. Chapter 5

"Barek!" Without thinking, Mike jumped and dove onto the beam. He caught Carolyn's wrist and the force caused Kelsey to slip slightly in Carolyn's arms. Mike was laying on the beam perpendicular with his legs dangling. He didn't have a very good hold on his partner, she was starting to slip. He needed her other hand. "Hold on, just hold on," he muttered. His stomach was killing him.

"Take her," Carolyn whispered.

"Kelsey. Kelsey, look at me," Mike said. The girl looked up, terrified. "Give me your hand, honey. Can you do that?" She shook her head and started sliding down more. "Reach, sweetheart. Come on. Hold on tight and climb up." She nodded and slowly shimmied up Carolyn's side. When she was close enough Mike used his free hand to hold onto her and help her up and onto his back. "Hold on tight. Like a little monkey," he told her. Her hands circled around his neck and clasped together, he felt her tears fall down his neck. He reached down and gripped Carolyn's other wrist, bringing her up a bit. "I got you," he told her gently. "We're all just fine..." Carolyn looked up into his eyes. He saw utter fear behind them. "I've got you Carolyn," he repeated. She nodded slightly. He turned his head just a bit to the ladder. There was no way he could reach it without possibly dropping one of them. The weight on his back didn't help things, but he wasn't going to have Kelsey sitting on the beam alone. He felt the weight in his hands shift and grow heavier. He looked down. His partners body had gone limp. "Barek!" He shouted. He realized then that the underside of her arm was bleeding. He tried to look at it without moving too much. Her shirt and jacket were torn along the entire sleeve. Probably from trying to catch herself. A flash of movement below caught his eye. Kelsey was whimpering. "Just hold tight, little monkey," he said. He narrowed his eyes at the lot and saw an SVU pull in and Goren and Eames jump out. He didn't know why they were the backup, but he was thankful. He watched as they immediately ran over to Ryan's body and looked him over. Then they both looked up and jumped back at the sight. He watched Bobby pull out his cell phone and hold it to his ear. Within seconds, his own phone rang. "Kelsey, honey...can you reach my pocket without moving? My jacket?"

"Maybe."

"Try. Try to get my phone," he closed his eyes and waited as she reached down. He felt her slide a bit. "Never mind, stop. Just-"

"I got it," she said.

"Good girl. Okay press the button and hold it near my ear if you can." When the phone was against his ear, he spoke. "A hand?"

"Eames is calling a bus and the fire department."

"Ryan?"

"He's dead. Is that Barek?"

"Yea. Unconscious."

"Little girl okay?"

"Scared."

"And you?"

"Tired, Goren. I'm tired."

"Can you hold on until the fire department gets here?"

"I don't know."

"Okay." Then he watched as Bobby hung up his phone, slipped his jacket off, and jogged over to the ladder.

"Thank you, Kelsey. You can-" She let go of the phone and it crashed to the ground. He didn't really care about his cell at that point.

Soon, Mike saw Bobby pop up on the ladder, out of the corner of his eye. Goren climbed up and sat at the end of the beam, holding onto the ladder. "My name is Bobby," he told Kelsey. "What's yours?"

"Kelsey," she sniffled.

"Well Kelsey, I want you to take my hand okay?"

"I can't."

"Yes you can," he said gently. "I bet your arm is like Gumby. Do you know who Gumby is?"

"Uh-huh."

"Then stretch your arm like Gumby." Kelsey did and Bobby reached, too. When their hands connected he held tight while she eased over to him across the beam. He clasped her tight in his arms. "Logan?"

"Go! Just get her down."

Eames, seeing what was going on, had climbed up the ladder too. She took Kelsey from Bobby and headed back to the ground. Bobby stayed. "How do you want to do this?" He asked.

"I don't know. Can you reach her?"

Bobby tried. "No. Not without falling. Can you hoist her up?" Mike tried pulling her up, but his arms were like putty. He tried again, and slipped an inch. "No, no. Just...okay...just hold tight," Bobby said.

"Right," Mike said. "Easy for you to say. What the hell took you guys so long?"

"We came as soon as we heard the call come out. Would have brought the calvary with us if we'd known what was going on."

Then, like music from heaven, the sounds of sirens broke through the air. Mike wanted to raise his head and look, but he hadn't the strength. "Here they are," Bobby said. Mike closed his eyes. The relief gave him a moment of strength and he tightened his fists around her wrists. "Open your eyes," Bobby said. Mike did and saw a red engine below. A ladder was rising to him, with a firefighter on it.

After forever, it came to a stop before him. Without moving his head he was able to look into his rescuers eyes. They belonged to a woman. "You are the singularly most beautiful thing in my world right now," he gasped.

She smiled. "Can I take her off your hands?" In an easy motion, the firefighter had Barek over her shoulder. Mike let his limps droop with a sigh. "Should I send someone up for you?" She asked.

"No. I think I can..." he reached for the top rung of the ladder and slid over it. The woman started moving down and Mike slid down the ladder far enough so that his whole body could lean against it. Then he stopped. He was done. He felt the ladder being lowered, and he was feeling dizzy. When he reached the bottom, hands were helping him down. He stepped down and planted both feet on the ground, but his legs gave out on him. He crumpled onto the dirt, everything going dark.


	6. Chapter 6

When Mike opened his eyes again, he found himself laying in a hospital bed. He was sore all over and the obnoxious beeping of the machine he was hooked to was too much. "Hello?" He called. A nurse came in, quickly followed by Goren and Deakins. He looked at everyone and lay back in the bed. "Barek okay?"

Deakins nodded. "She's just fine, Mike. Woke up about an hour ago. Alex is in with her."

"How long've I been out?"

"It's nearly 10am," Deakins replied. "They brought you in around 6 last night."

"Oh."

"You gave us a scare," Bobby told him.

Mike laughed. "Gave _you_ a scare? I was the one hanging ten stories up."

"Twelve," Deakins corrected.

Mike looked at the Captain. "I thought yesterday was your last day."

Deakins smiled. "It was, but I'm guessing this is your way of keeping me around longer?"

Mike shrugged. "You expect any less of me?" He coughed and his stomach muscles screamed. He squeezed his eyes shut. The nurse, who'd been checking his stats, patted his arm.

"How's the breathing?" She asked him.

He inhaled and exhaled. "Painful."

"How about some painkillers then?"

"Please."

"Okay, just let me get your doctor."

When she left, Mike looked at Bobby. "How's the kid?"

"Alive. Quiet. They're settling her in with her grandmother that she's never met before. The social worker thinks she should visit you two when you get out and see that you're alive. She's really worried."

"Okay," Mike nodded.

The doctor came in. "Detective Logan. Good morning."

"I've never cared for mornings," he replied.

The doctor chuckled. "How do you feel?"

"Sore."

"I'll bet." The doctor pushed a needle of something into Mike's IV.

"I wanna see my partner."

"We'll see what we can arrange," the doctor said.

"When can I leave?"

"I'd like to keep you here, at least until tonight, to monitor you."

"And Barek?" Mike relaxed as warmth spread throughout his body and he started feeling a bit lightheaded.

"We'll probably keep her another 24 hours, at least. Detective Barek had to get stitched up along her arm."

"There was an exposed shard of metal that she tore herself up on," Bobby said. "They say the loss of blood plus the trauma is what made her pass out."

"But she's okay? Did you give her a tetanus shot? Did you make sure she's not cut anywhere else? Did-," he was rambling off at the doctor.

"Detective, just relax. I've got all the angles covered."

* * *

Within an hour, Mike was being helped into a wheel chair. His IV was strung up behind him. "New Captain yet?" He asked Bobby.

"No, we've got a temp until the new guy shows up," Bobby replied, pushing Mike down the hall. "He sent me and Eames out here earlier when Barek woke up."

"And why are you still here?" Mike asked Deakins.

"Because you guys will always be my Detectives and I don't run off when one of mine is in the hospital...much less two of you."

They stopped at a door. It was half-closed. Bobby knocked gently.

"Come in," Eames called from inside. The three men entered. As Logan wheeled to Barek's side, he looked her over. It was quite a shock. His partner, usually strong and sharp, was pale and small in the bed. She still smiled at him, though.

"Hey Logan," she said weakly.

"Barek. How are you?" The others slipped from the room.

"Good. You?"

He took her hand. "In one piece."

She sighed and looked away. "All the times I've had a gun in my face, been near a fire or explosion..that was the first time I felt convinced that I was gonna die."

Mike nodded slowly and squeezed her hand. "I wouldn't have let that happen."

She turned to him. "Thank you. Thank you, Mike."

"You're welcome, Carolyn. Hopefully you'd have done the same for me."

"That's what partners are for, right?"

"Yea. And friends."

"Eames says we're the talk of the squad," Carolyn said with a smile.

Mike laughed. "Score one for the new kids." She laughed back and they faded into a comfortable silence, and just sat for awhile.

"Is my cell phone around?" She asked after awhile. "I think it's beeping."

Mike looked around and pulled open the drawer on the small bedside table. Her phone was inside it with lots of missed calls. Probably all from one number, was his initial thought. "You got a lot of voice mail," he told her. He handed her the phone and she scanned through the calls.

The doctor stepped into the room. "Detective Logan, I think we should get you back to bed for some rest. Both of you could use it."

"I'm fine right here."

"If you want to go home tonight, you will go rest for a bit. I'll have the nurse bring you back in later, I promise," the doctor said. "And your friends would like to say goodbye to each of you, I'm sending them all away for a few hours."

"Whatever," Mike grumbled. He looked at his partner. "Rest," he said. He squeezed her hand again and let the doctor wheel him out.

* * *

When he was back in his bed Goren, Eames, and Deakins came in. "Kelsey told us what happened yesterday," Bobby said. "Her mom and dad were fighting with each other, all the kids were hiding in their rooms. From the few words she gave us from their fight, we're guessing Ryan finally told his mom what his dad had done," he took a breath. "And, uh, Kelsey said her dad started running around the house. She hid under her bed. He came into her room and she heard a loud bang. She closed her eyes and ears during the other bangs, then Ryan ran in and grabbed her and took her from the apartment."

"So it went like we thought."

"I guess we'll never know for sure, but yea," Alex said.

"Ryan shouldn't have-"

"Don't worry about all that now," Deakins said. "Just get better."

"We'll come by later," Eames said. "Make sure you get home okay, and all."

"Thanks guys," he said to them. Goren and Eames said goodbye and went to Carolyn's room. Mike looked up at Deakins.

"Why don't you give me a call later this week? I'll treat you and Carolyn to coffee in thanks for not dying on my last day."

"Okay, Cap."

"Mike, call me Jimmy now."

"Okay, Cap." Mike grinned. Deakins smiled. "Go see Barek," Mike told him. "I'll be seeing you." He watched his ex-Captain leave the room and closed his eyes. As soon as he calmed down enough and started to relax, his mind took him back to that construction site. To the two lives that he literally held in his hands. It wasn't anything he ever wanted to go through again, and he didn't know what he would have done if things had gone differently.

* * *

Carolyn lay in her bed and stared at the ceiling. She kept feeling that feeling she had the moment she slipped. That heart-stopping...she couldn't even describe it. She didn't remember trying to grab onto the beam, like everyone said she did. She didn't remember cutting her arm. She didn't remember how she fell, and she didn't remember Mike grabbing her arm. All she remembered was Kelsey's scream in her ears. That scream and the thought of, I'm about to cause this little girls death. I'm about to die. The moment, not more than a few seconds between slipping and Mike catching them, felt like it had been so much longer. She felt herself falling for ages and she was waiting for the impact of the ground which, through her work, she knew would kill her. And she remembered looking into her partners eyes as he held her in the air and seeing fear. A kind of fear she'd never seen in him before.

Then she remembered looking at that troubled, angry, scared boy and watching him shoot himself...and fall over the edge to the ground. She didn't save him. She had come no where near saving that poor boy.

She closed her eyes and forced away the tears threatening to come up. She was alive. She didn't need to rehash it. She didn't need to cry. She wiped her cheeks. Now she was left with the thought of, if she had died...what would she have left behind?

She had no idea, of course, that down the hall Mike was thinking the same thing of himself.

* * *

When Carolyn woke up only an hour later, she was drenched in sweat. Her dreams were filled with the memories of the day before. She wiped her face with her sheet and flinched at the pain of moving her arm. She looked at her stitches. Maybe she could get the world record for number of stitches on a single cut. She smiled at that. She looked at her cell phone on the bedside table. She had turned the sound off, but she had more missed calls. She picked it up and dialed the number.

"I've been calling you all night!" Was the answer.

"Yea I've been in the hospital all night."

"What?"

"I had an accident at work yesterday."

"What do you mean an accident?"

"It's not important. Look, I spoke to Hayes yesterday," she said.

"What'd you tell him?"

"Everything."

"Nice. Nice, Carolyn," the tone full of sarcasm.

"What do you expect? You won't leave me the hell alone. I'm not letting you do it again. I'm not," she said firmly. Then her voice went soft, "Can't you just leave me alone?"

"But...Car, I love you."

"No, you don't. I only called to tell you that Hayes is onto you." She hung up and dropped the phone to her side. 'I love you.' It echoed in her ears, and it sent shivers down her spine. She covered her hand over her eyes. Her lungs started to feel heavy, and she had to work harder to breathe. She felt dizzy. Over and over, all the feelings and emotions from the day before were rushing through her. Her heart beat was painful. Then she broke. She started crying. She held her hand tighter over her eyes and just let herself cry. The fear and stress was just too much to hold in anymore.

* * *

Mike woke up and with nothing else to do, flipped on the TV. The nurse came in and checked his stats again, then left him alone. He was bored and ready to call the doctor in and demand to go see his partner again when a force breezed into his room.

"Now when I heard that a Detective was hanging from a 12th story scaffolding I thought, that's gotta be Logan."

Mike looked over and smiled at the sight of Lieutenant Van Buren standing before him. "Lieutenant," he said.

"What in the world were you thinking?"

"Uh...that my partner was falling?"

She smiled. "Okay, I'll let you off the hook." She handed him a card. "All the boys and girls at the 2-7 signed that for you. At least those that are glad you're still alive."

"I'm surprised there are any kids left there that remember me."

"Oh, you're a legend there. Don't worry." He glanced the card over. "So how are you?" She asked.

"I'm fine. I don't need to be here but, you know, they want to keep me under observation."

"And your partner?"

"She's good, too. She gets to stay longer."

"She's lucky to have you for a partner," Van Buren said.

"I guess so."

She put her hand on his shoulder. "I'm proud of you, Mike."

He grinned up at her. "I'm all grown up," he said, trying to lighten the serious mood.

After Van Buren left, Mike was wheeled into Carolyn's room again. She was asleep, so he sat by her side and waited. She only slept for another fifteen minutes, before she jerked awake. He jumped at the quick movement. "Whoa there, Barek." He reached for her hand. "It's okay."

She opened her eyes and looked up at him. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. She did it once more. "How long you been here?"

"Not long," he said. "Bad dream?"

She nodded. "Yea, it's nothing."

"I had some, too," he told her. It gave her some assurance. He noticed the phone at her side and picked it up. "Is he calling again?"

"Mike.." she started.

"No. I think I deserve an answer now." He leaned closer to her. "Is he calling still?"

"Why do you assume it's a he?"

"Okay, is she calling you again?"

"You had it right the first time," she said. She glanced out the window at the bright afternoon sun, then turned to him. "I ever tell you I was engaged once?"


	7. Chapter 7

"I ever tell you I was engaged once?"

Mike raised his eyebrows. He hadn't been expecting that. "Uh...no Barek I'd remember you saying that."

She smiled faintly. "I was. Few years back." Mike didn't say anything. He let her have her time speaking. She looked off into the distance past his shoulder. "He was a good man. I knew him when we were kids. We lost touch after high school and went our separate ways. I didn't see him again until after I left Brooklyn." She took another moment, then went on. "It was years before I saw him again, and when I did...he was handsome. He was so handsome. I was profiling then. I was deep into it and...I hadn't given myself time to have a life. But with Freddie..." she smiled, "it was fast and hard. I fell bad for him. We moved in together. We got engaged. I was so in love with him." She glanced up at him. "He got me, you know?" Mike nodded, he did know. "It was the only time I ever thought about happily ever after..." Her smile faltered.

"We don't have to talk about it," he said gently.

"No. I want to. We were engaged for several months before everything broke. Some cops came around, and Freddie got arrested. I, uh, I found out that he'd been tied in with some major stuff. A really nasty gang. He worked on the outside of it for them and got away with it. Anyway, he rolled on them and they tried to kill him. So he went under. I'd already broken it off by then, but someone decided it was okay for me to see him one last time." She exhaled and bit her lip.

She went on, "I didn't want to see him. He told me he was being relocated and begged me to go along...I didn't say anything. I walked away. They, uh, they made it look like they'd locked him up in high security." She sighed and took a break again.

Mike squeezed her hand, unsure what to think so far. It wasn't anything like what he was imagining in his head and it didn't seem like something that would happen to her. He couldn't quite believe it. She studied him then pointed to his face. "And that's what I had to deal with," she said. He opened his mouth to say something, but she went continued. "After Freddie was 'locked-up' I didn't hear the end of it from anyone I worked with. It was a big joke. Y'know, Carolyn Barek – criminal profiler – had one sharing her bed and didn't even realize it." Her voice grew heavy and cracked a bit. She remembered all the remarks people had made. Until the recent calls, she'd gotten past it. Now she was recalling them and the anger it ignited in her. "The boys would say 'Hey Barek, how's the boyfriend? Any conjugal visits lately?' And the women would say, 'Tough break Barek, how'd you not know?' And there was a lot worse that...I won't even repeat." She shook her head, "I couldn't take it. That's when I joined up at the FBI. They took me up for 2 years and it was nice. I didn't hear...all those...but then Deakins brought me on. I was so scared that it'd follow me. The rumors or whatever. The remarks. But they didn't. Deakins knew a bit about the troubles and I asked him to keep it quiet. He did. And things were good for me. I was okay having a partner again, I was making friends. It was all behind me." She stopped and smiled again. Mike returned the smile.

"But, uh, a couple days ago I woke up to a phone call. It was Freddie. Somehow he had found me and found my number. He's been in D.C. apparently. He was going on and on that he wanted to see me and he was sorry. That he missed me and had been looking for me and wanted to make things right. I ignored his calls all day...then the night before last he called and said if I didn't come see him he'd come to New York. I couldn't have him come here...I hate what he did to me but...I don't want him dead. So I took a red-eye to see him. Used an old undercover alias to get my flight. I talked to him for an hour at the airport and said he had to leave me alone or he was putting himself in real danger. He reluctantly agreed and apologized and went home. So I came back here and...and that's why I was late yesterday. But he kept on calling me and telling me I had to forgive him and let him explain his side."

Mike rubbed his face with his spare hand as he processed it all. "Wow," was all he could muster at first. "And the guy that came to see you?"

"Agent Hayes. He was in charge of Freddie's relocation. I called him and told him Freddie'd reached out. Then told him I went to see Freddie, which is why he was yelling at me. He said he had to relocate him again and I said good. I wanted him to."

"And he's still calling you?"

"Yea. I told him earlier that Hayes was coming after him, so hopefully that was it," she said.

"He ever hurt you?" Mike asked, agitated.

"No. Not physically at least." Silence hung in the air for a long time. "You gotta say something," she said at last.

"Okay. Those assholes you worked with should be shot in the head and Freddie needs to learn a lesson before he gets you in trouble."

Carolyn squeezed his hand. "Thank you. Thanks for not..."

"For not being like those other guys? Did you think I would? That why you didn't tell me?"

"I was worried, yea. As I said, I was liking having a partner again. I didn't want those looks."

"That's not me, Barek."

She nodded. "I know. I was just scared."

He sighed. "So this Hayes guy will relocate Freddie...then what? What'll keep him from contacting you again?"

"Hayes said he'd take care of it."

"If I can do anything...I mean it, anything, you tell me." She nodded, and once again they fell into a comfortable silence. "I'm sorry all that happened to you," he said after awhile. "I wish...I wish it had worked out for you. That happily ever after." He wished it for himself everyday and knew the deep need for it. He also knew the deep need to stop needing it.

"Yea, me too. Who knows...maybe I'll find one somewhere else."

"Make sure I look him over first," Mike said. "We're talking extensive background checks on him and his brother and his mother...I'll tail him a couple weeks, really make sure he's worthy."

Carolyn laughed and Mike smiled, happy he could just make her laugh. "When I first got stuck with you I thought I was in for it," she commented. "But you've grown on me, Logan. You're okay."

"You're not so bad yourself, Barek."

* * *

Mike didn't let the doctor move him to his room just yet. Carolyn had finally fallen back to sleep and she actually seemed to be sleeping well. He kept hold of her hand and thought over everything she had told him. He hadn't swallowed it yet. It was rough. He'd always been intrigued by the mystery of his new partner, who she was and where she'd come from...but he hadn't actually taken the time to think seriously about it. Then to see that something so...purely human...had happened...he just couldn't get past it. He also couldn't get past the way she'd been treated, how she'd been forced into being a loner. He knew that feeling all too well. He knew how it was to be ostracized by the people you had once thought had your back through thick and thin. And he knew the feeling of losing someone you loved so deeply...all because you were too blind to see who they really were.

Though through it all, he felt like things were better. He felt a new bond with his partner and was ready for them both to heal and get back to work.


	8. Chapter 8

Later on, Mike was taken back to his room for awhile. They were arranging his release, when Goren and Eames showed up.

"Need a ride?" Goren asked.

Mike nodded. "Please."

"I'm gonna go see Barek, come after me when you're ready," Eames said. The guys nodded.

"So anything exciting happen today?" Mike asked.

"Nothing out of the ordinary."

Mike laughed. "Nothing's ever ordinary at MCS, Goren."

"True. Well, the new guy starts tomorrow."

"I thought you said it'd be a few days."

"That's what they told us, but apparently he starts tomorrow."

"Lucky me, I won't be there. I get one more day. I think I don't mind, actually. I just want to go home and sleep."

Once the paperwork was finished, the boys went into Carolyn's room. She and Eames were chatting and looked up at them. "They freeing you?" Carolyn asked.

"Yea. I wanted to stick around as a visitor, but doc said no. Sorry."

"That's okay."

"We'll stop by in the morning before we go in," Bobby told her. She nodded.

"If I can I will come visit," Mike said. "But feel free to call whenever if you're bored and need an ear."

"I'll keep that in mind."

"Bye," Alex said with a smile, she got up and went for the door.

Bobby gave Carolyn a smile and a nod. "Get some rest and get back to us."

"Will do. Thanks guys," She said. They left the room.

Mike looked down at his partner. "Thanks for trusting me...and telling me. If he calls you again, call me and give me Hayes' number okay?" She nodded. "Promise me."

"I promise. Thank you for...well just about everything."

"It's what partners are for," he replied with a grin. "See you soon."

"Bye Mike," she said. He went for the door and down the hall after Goren and Eames.

* * *

"Ow," he said. A moment later, "Ow!"

Alex looked at him through the rear-view mirror. "You got a problem?"

"Yea, your driving and my seatbelt aren't agreeing with my stomach. I have bruises, y'know."

"Then take your seat belt off."

"With your driving? Yea right." He rolled his eyes.

"I think I like you better when you're laid out in a hospital bed looking all pathetic," she retorted, smiling.

"Children," Bobby said warningly. They both snorted in amusement. "So you're not coming in tomorrow?" He asked Mike.

"Nah, taking the day. I'll be in the day after though. The assumption is Barek will be in on Monday."

"Here we are," Alex said, pulling to the curb. "Need a hand in?"

"I think I can manage." He climbed out of the tank and bent down to Alex's window and looked in at them. "Thanks for being there. At the site and the hospital." He walked to his door then turned back. "And that's the end of warm-hearted Mike so don't get used to it." He grinned and went inside his building. He heard them drive off with a double-honk of the horn.

He let himself into his apartment. The familiarity of it made him feel even more tired. Just the feeling that he was okay and home. He glanced at his answering machine. No calls. Nothing new. He dropped his keys and jacket on the couch. He closed the blinds in his living room and headed for his bedroom, stripping out of the clothes he had worn the day before. The day before that felt like years ago. He closed the blinds in his bedroom, too. He didn't even bother putting pajama's over his boxers, he just fell into his warm soft bedding and went to sleep.

* * *

When he awoke, he didn't know what time or day it was. The apartment was dark. He went and took a long hot shower. It was painful at first on his aching muscles, but then he relaxed. Once clean and dry he headed for his living room and grabbed some painkillers the doctor had given him. He took them with some water and threw a frozen dinner in the microwave. While it cooked, he checked his answering machine. It wasn't blinking. He went looking for his cell phone, then remembered it didn't exist anymore. He looked at his answering machine again and scanned through the Caller ID. Barek hadn't called. But he decided that was a good thing, because most likely she wasn't gonna call unless Freddie was harassing her again. He wanted to call her, but he didn't want to disturb her rest. He needed her healed and back by his side as soon as possible, because frankly there weren't many people at MCS that he trusted to watch his back.

The microwave beeped and he took his food and a beer into his room. He sat in the dark and ate his dinner. Or breakfast. Whatever the meal was. In the silent darkness he heard Kelsey's screams. He heard Ryan. He heard the gun. He felt the vibrations of the beam rattling. He saw them falling.

He pushed aside the ends of his meal and lay back. It was only then he remembered that he probably shouldn't have had the beer with the painkillers. Oh well. He quickly fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

* * *

He finally woke, again, and felt human. He pulled the shades and let the early morning sun into his apartment. He turned on the TV for the news. He'd missed an entire day somewhere along the line. He went to take a shower again, and pulled on his suit and jacket. He checked his machine again. No new calls.

On his way to work, he stopped for a breakfast burrito. When he walked into the squad room, people were shouting to him and patting his back and welcoming him back to work. It was nice. He stopped at his desk and looked over at Goren. "Morning," he said.

Goren looked up. "Logan. Good to see you. How do you feel?"

"Great. I've pretty much been asleep since you dropped me off."

"I figured as much. We wanted to call and check on you but thought you'd call if you needed to."

Mike nodded, then immediately noticed something was off about his desk. He stood there for a long time thinking about it. Then he got it. It wasn't his desk that was different. It was Carolyn's. It was completely bare. "Where's Barek?" He turned to Goren, who had been watching him and waiting. Goren didn't look excited to say anything, so he stayed quiet. "Goren. Where is my partner? Wasn't she released yesterday?"

"Apparently."

"Apparently. What does that mean?"

"It means we haven't seen her since we left the other night. We went in yesterday morning and they said that she'd been released already. So we came in here and met the new Captain and asked about her and he didn't know what we were talking about. He'd been told that she transferred out and he had to find you a new partner."

"No. No, I don't _need _a new partner. Where did she transfer to?"

"I don't know."

"And you didn't think you should call me and let me know?"

"We didn't know what to do. We figured since she transferred, she probably let you know already," Goren said.

"Well she didn't." He plopped down at his desk, completely confused. There was no way she'd just take off and not say goodbye. Unless the accident had shaken her up more than he thought. Yea it had been scary, but it wasn't worth leaving over! He angrily yanked his top drawer open to get a spare tie out, as he hardly ever wore one in to work. He grabbed the tie and pulled it from the drawer. Something weighed it down. He held the tie on his desk and looked at it. There was a postcard pinned to his tie...he flipped it over...it was blank...he looked at the front. It was a picture of Washington D.C. He flipped it over again, and then he noticed what was holding it to his tie. A small black NYPD pin. Carolyn's NYPD pin. He looked at the pin and at the postcard. He sighed. No, she wouldn't leave without saying goodbye. This was her goodbye. Her ex had been living in D.C. and this was her way of telling him she had been relocated to...well he didn't know where. But he knew. She'd been relocated. She heard his voice in his head, '..a really nasty gang...I took a red-eye to see him..' The jerk Hayes had taken her away. Mike picked up the stapler from his desk and hurled it at a nearby wall. It narrowly missed a tall man with dark curly hair.

"I'm hoping you weren't aiming for me," the man said stepping over.

"And you would be?" Mike glared up at him.

"Captain Ross." He stuck out his hand. Mike didn't shake it. "And you're Mike Logan. Sorry about your partner."

"Yea," he muttered.

"Like I told Goren and Eames yesterday, I don't know where or why she transferred. Don't take it out on me." Ross turned and walked away.

Mike sighed and looked down at his tie. He quickly unclipped the postcard, ripped it up and threw it away. Then he put on his tie and clipped the pin to his lapel. He wasn't about to keep the postcard, in case there was any way it could be traced to find her. Not that it was possible, but he wouldn't take any chances. He'd keep the pin. He didn't want to admit that he'd never see his friend again...but he pretty much knew he wouldn't. And he'd have to get over it. Like every other change in his life. He'd let it go. Anything to keep her alive.

Ross turned around at his new office and shouted back to Mike, "Oh, and your new partner starts on Monday."

* * *

_"And hey, if it doesn't work out, I can try and get Barek back," Ross said to him. Mike turned and looked at the Captain, then at his feet and had a moment. If only it were that easy, he thought. It had been barely a week, and already the flashbacks were starting to fade. But there were just moments here and there, when he was back there. On top of that beam. He pushed it away and went and joined his new partner at the elevator. It was over. He hadn't told anyone what Carolyn had confided in him or that she wasn't just 'transferred' and he never would. He would just hold a small flicker of hope, hidden deep inside, that things would resolve and she would get her life back. Now, he'd just get used to a new partner. Again._

_the end_

* * *

**AN: Thanks to all who read and commented! Hope you enjoyed it :D **


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